How My Daughter Changed Me
by ConsultingTimeLordIn221B
Summary: A story detailing Barney's transition from Casanova to father. Rating liable to change.
1. A Changed Man

**How My Daughter Changed Me**

By ConsultingTimeLordIn221B

Chapter 1 – A Changed Man

_"You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours, forever."_

**2020**

"Ted, I'm losing my mind."

"Hello to you too Barney," smiled Tracy as Barney stormed into her and Ted's home. Her smile faltered and she exchanged a concerned look with her husband when she saw the baby in their friend's arms. "Again?"

Barney nodded, collapsing on the sofa next to 3 and 5-year-old Luke and Penny.

"Penny, go take your brother to your room to play," said Tracy, softly.

"Bye uncle Barney!" cried the kids, as Penny grabbed her brother's hand. Barney only nodded in acknowledgment.

"Beer, Barney?" offered Ted.

"You know I can't," grunted Barney. He looked down at his sleeping daughter and his eyes softened. "Not now."

Tracy put a hand on Ted's shoulder and sat down on the sofa next to one of her husband's best friends.

"What's going on this time with… her?" asked Tracy tentatively. Ted sat down across from them.

Barney ran a hand over his drawn face.

"She's been at it again. She's never home and she refuses to quit that job. Worst yet, she refuses to hold Ellie."

"Lots of women suffer from Postpartum Depression, Barney. Are you sure –?"

"She said the very sight of her made her feel sick at what we did that night. Don't get me wrong, in the technical sense I'd like to forget that night as well… she did this really weird –"

"Too much information," interceded Ted. "Barney, have you talked to Marshall?"

"About –?"

"You know." Barney sighed.

"I… I wanted so hard to be a good father. To be the father mine wasn't. To be able to raise Ellie under one roof…"

"Barney, you're already being a better father than yours," said Tracy softly. "You've been trying to make this work for months. Sometimes… sometimes it's healthier to raise a child… alone."

"But for her to grow up without a mother… what do I know about raising a daughter?"

"Not a thing," said Ted, leading Tracy to laugh and even Barney to crack a weak smile. "But you're not alone. You've got Tracy here who's got plenty experience and who is probably wishing Penny was Ellie's age again…"

"He speaks the truth," snorted Penny.

"And Lily has had plenty of practice with Daisy. And there's your mother. She may not know much about raising a daughter but she sure as hell managed to do something right with James."

"Thanks Ted, you always know how to make a guy feel good." They all laughed.

"All I'm saying is, you're not alone. We're all on Team Ellie –"

Barney groaned and Tracy smiled endearingly.

"Too soon?" Ted asked Tracy.

"_Just a little bit_," said Tracy with a Russian accent, causing Ted to choke on his drink. As though on cue, Ellie awoke and started crying.

"Damn it, Ted," groaned Barney. "I had finally gotten her asleep on the ride over here. One more sleepless night and I will seriously take Lily's advice and give her some wine."

Ted stared at his friend gobsmacked then looked at Tracy. She shrugged.

"He needs more help than we thought," she concluded. "And apparently so do Lily and Marshall."

**3 Months Later**

"Well?" asked Lily when Barney entered their apartment. It was the day of Ellie's first birthday.

Barney had a sullen expression on his face, causing his friends to exchange anxious looks.

"Sole custody," he finally said. "She's not allowed within 100 yards of Ellie until she's fourteen, at which time Ellie is old enough to decide if she wants to ever see her mother."

Unsure if the situation was one of which could be celebrated, Lily was the first to simply give Barney a much-needed hug. They each took turns hugging him, each handing off Ellie like a hot potato as they did. Finally, she ended up back in Barney's arms. He looked down at her pensively.

"What's the matter?" asked Marshall, breaking the silence.

"It's just… today's her first birthday."

The room was so silent; you could hear Lily and Marshall's children in the next room breathing deeply as they slept.

"Well, I say this calls for a toast," said Lily, going to the kitchen to grab the champagne flutes. She came back with six of them and a bottle. After pouring them each a glass she said, "To Barney and Ellie. The best is yet to come."

"To Barney and Ellie," they all said in unison.

"To Barney and Ellie," said a voice from the doorway.

Recognizing the voice, they all spun around and came face-to-face with none other than Robin. All of their smiles became notably strained, particularly Barney's, following him downing his entire flute. He shook a little bit, having not had a drink in quite some time, and Tracy quickly took Ellie out of his arms.

"Hi Robin, good to see you, sorry have to use the bathroom, are the cameras still installed Lily?"

"_What cameras_?"

"Never mind." He practically tripped over his feet in his haste to leave the room.

"Bedroom," said Marshall.

"Right, I knew that. Just wanted to keep you on your feet…" He slammed the bathroom door behind him. They all turned back to Robin who had a troubled look on her face.

"I should go," she said, readjusting her purse. "I didn't mean to –" Her gaze unintentionally wandered over to Ellie. She already looked remarkably like Barney, much to Robin's discomfort.

"You don't get to keep doing this, Robin," said Ted and Lily at the same time. They exchanged a look and Ted indicated for Lily to continue.

"You can't keep walking in and out of our lives and not expecting a big reaction," Lily continued. "It's not fair to us and it's certainly not fair to Barney. We haven't seen you since MacLaren's on the night of Ted and Tracy's wedding and you wouldn't have even been there if it weren't for Tracy convincing you."

"I know, I'm sorry," said Robin quickly. "I've been so –"

"Busy, yes we know," interrupted Marshall, taking everyone by surprise. "We've all been busy Robin, we're always busy. But we still make time for the big moments and if we can't be there in person, we reach out. Name one time in the past several years that you've reached out. I mean, really. Could you honestly tell us anything that has gone on in our lives this past year?"

Robin bit her lip and was silent. It was a rhetorical question. They all knew that she couldn't.

"Well here, let me fill you in a bit. Our little one just started school. That's right, it's that time now. Marvin and Daisy are great, thanks for asking. Marvin's taken up basketball like his old man and Daisy is into theater. Go figure."

"Then there's Ted and Tracy. Penny and Luke are five and three now. Old enough to wonder where this mysterious aunt Robin has been that they've heard all these stories about."

"And then there's Barney –"

"Marshall, enough." It wasn't Robin who cut him off though, but Barney who was standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

**5 Minutes Earlier**

"Pull yourself together Stinson," snapped Barney to himself in the mirror. "It's just Rob – _Scherbatsky_." He groaned, running his hands over his face.

He didn't know why this was happening to him. He and Robin had parted on amicable terms. They had even been fine when they saw each other for the first time in ages at MacLaren's on the night of Ted's wedding. But now? Perhaps it was all of the "what if's" that were coming back to the surface. What if she had been able to have kids? What if he could handle all the traveling that came with her job? What if Ellie was _their_ daughter and not the result of a Perfect Month?

_Stop it_ he thought. _You and her were just not good enough. The love just wasn't strong enough_…

But he knew that wasn't quite true, at least not on his end. He loved her unconditionally like he had never been able to love anyone before Ellie was born. A part of him knew that he probably would always love her because of all those special moments they had shared together. He would never admit that to anyone though…

His thoughts were cut off when he heard Marshall's voice rising.

"_Name one time in the past several years that you've reached out. I mean, really. Could you honestly tell us anything that has gone on in our lives this past year_?"

Barney continued to listen as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He could not hear any response from Robin but he was sure that she had no idea how to react. Marshall was not the confrontational type but once you lost Marshall's respect, it was difficult to regain it.

_The big goof trusts people inherently_ Barney thought with a slight smirk.

"_And then there's Barney_ –"

Barney perked up upon hearing his name and quickly opened the door.

"Marshall, enough," he said, sharply.

He felt everyone's eyes rest on him, including Robin's. He purposefully ignored hers though. He couldn't look her way. Not now when he knew it would be impossible to walk, let alone think, straight.

"Barney, she should know all that she walked out on –" Marshall began, but Barney cut him off.

"She chose her life and I chose mine. Anything that is shared at this point should come from me, not by word-of-mouth." He walked over to Tracy, who was still holding Ellie, and took her.

"At any rate," Barney continued, "I think it's time I'd get her home. We both had a long day waiting for the judge's decision and she never had time for an actual nap."

"You're a good father, Barney," said Lily, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Who would've thought," added Ted, cracking a smile that Barney didn't return. He was too busy looking at his baby girl who was starting to fuss in his arms. He cleared his throat.

"Goodnight," he addressed the others. He then turned to Robin who was still standing in the doorway. "You look well Rob – Scherbatsky."

He sidestepped her and left the apartment, leaving the others silent in his wake.

"He's changed," said Robin softly.

"Becoming a parent does that to a person," replied Ted, not unkindly. "Amazingly, even a person like Barney."

"He said something about a judge?" Robin continued, primarily addressing Ted.

Ted exchanged a look with the others.

"It's not our story to tell," said Marshall solemnly. He left the room then and walked into his own children's room.

A/N: What do you think? Please leave a review with your thoughts!


	2. Fortress of Babytude

**A/N**: Hi guys. Just wanted to correct a mistake I made last chapter. I had forgotten that Lily and Marshall were leaving the apartment in Last Forever in preparation for their third child so discard that. Let's just pretend that it all happened in their new home… sorry about that.

Special shout-out to IwatchwaytoomuchTV for being my first reviewer and for sending me a lovely message about the first chapter!

**How My Daughter Changed Me**

By ConsultingTimeLordIn221B

Chapter 2 – Fortress of Babytude

As Barney entered his Manhattan apartment, he breathed a sigh of relief. Despite his bachelor days being over, he still felt a wave of calmness rush over him, especially since she was no longer staying here with him.

He pushed thoughts of Ellie's mother from his head though and looked down at his daughter. She had fallen asleep during the taxi ride, much to his relief. He had hardly slept in the year since she had been born, given that he was forced to play both roles as a parent.

"Looks like that's my future," he said with a grunt. "Three in the morning feedings and pacifiers."

One look at Ellie quelled his bitterness though. Sure, he might not enjoy being a father all of the time. Yes, he missed not having a constant "babe repellant" that shot projectile from both ends. But at the end of the day, _she was his_. He still could not get over how beautiful she was.

Walking to his fridge, he pulled out a bottle for her evening feeding. Stirring her awake gradually was never a fun experience but he knew that if continued to sleep, he would never be able to put her down again. Gradually she awoke and he began rocking her back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"It's been a hell of a day, hasn't it?" he murmured to his little girl. "This is better now though, right? No more screaming and yelling… no more strange men coming at all hours of the night with mo –" He hesitated momentarily.

"With mommy," he finally finished. "It's for the best. I'm sure you'll understand when you're older that the custody agreement was done with your best interests at heart. And besides, now we're free!" He smiled down at the gurgling baby. "And our life together is going to be legen – wait for it – oh, who am I kidding? You're always waiting for it – DARY! Legendary!"

"Looks like you were hungry," remarked Barney, noticing that the bottle was practically empty. Ellie started fussing again. "Okay, okay."

Throwing a towel over his shoulder, he looked Ellie in the eye.

"I swear Ellie, I love you to the end of the Earth but if I start burping you and you even _think_ of spitting up on this Italian –"

Without even a slight pat on the back, everything came back up again and landed all down Barney's front. He closed his eyes with a grimace. Much to his chagrin, he was certain he heard her gurgling in amusement.

"Oh, you think this is funny do you? You think you can pull this on your old man? You think – son of a bitch, I'm talking to an infant." Another gurgle. "Okay, I think you've been sorted for tonight. Time for bed."

Walking to the only other room in the house, the room that he once used solely for suits, he laid Ellie down on her changing table to get her sorted for bed. Once all was said and done and he cleaned her up, he gently laid her down and within the moment it took him to turn her monitor on and turn back around to glance at her, she was out cold.

"Finally," he breathed, relieved. About to retreat to his room, he heard a knock on the door. Barney cursed under his breath.

Walking to the door, he swung it open to find Ted and Marshall standing there.

"Can I help you?"

Ted opened his mouth to respond but as his gaze lowered to Barney's front, he smirked. It was Marshall who responded though.

"So you Vomit-Suited Up. That's a new one."

"Ha, ha," snorted Barney, undoing his tie. "What do you want?"

"Just came to see how you were doing," replied Ted, as he and Marshall sidestepped Barney and entered the apartment.

"Tracy or Lily?" Barney asked, referring to which one sent them here.

"Both," they replied, as they looked around.

"Don't you think you should, I don't know… baby proof a bit?" suggested Ted, eyeing the Stormtrooper.

"I didn't let you in so you could criticize my awesomeness."

"First of all," said Marshall, "we could've gotten in regardless of if you had 'let us'. Look at me." Ted smirked. "Secondly, it may be awesome now but the second Ellie starts running and that thing comes tumbling down, you're going to be singing a different tune."

"Thanks for the advice Lily."

Marshall rolled his eyes. "Care to change? The sight of your daughter's sick, though it brings out your eyes, is making _me_ feel sick."

"Geez Marshall, if you wanted me to take off my clothes, all you had to do was ask." In one fell swoop, he took off his jacket and dress shirt, leaving himself shirtless. Ted and Marshall looked at him in disbelief. "Don't look too long boys, I'll start to wonder if perhaps your wives should be more than a little bit concerned about our friendship."

"Oh, they passed '_a little bit_' quite some time ago."

"So," said Barney, tossing his clothes and collapsing on the sofa. "What will it take me saying to convince you that I'm fine so that you can be on your merry way back home to your respective families?"

Ted and Marshall exchanged a look and sat down.

"It's time we had The Talk," said Ted seriously.

"Noooo, I don't want to have The Talk!" moaned Barney, stomping his feet.

"Are you sure this guy is a father?" Marshall asked Ted seriously.

Barney picked up his vomited-on shirt and threw it at Marshall's face.

"Son-of-a-bitch!"

"Quiet, I just got Ellie down!"

"Would you two calm down?" sighed Ted. Marshall fell silent. "Seriously dude, what's going on with you?"

"_Nothing_," demanded Barney. "What could be going on? You know me, same old legen – wait for it – dary life."

"You look like you haven't slept for this past year."

"What? These bags? Don't let them fool you, they're not here to stay."

"Is this about Robin coming around?" asked Marshall.

"What makes you ask that?" asked Barney, twitching.

"Because you did that twitchy thing like you did earlier before you ran off to the bathroom," replied Marshall, pointing at Barney's eye.

"Are you still in love with Robin?"

"NO!" Barney closed his eyes fearfully. When no cry came from the bedroom, he exhaled relieved. "Drop it guys."

"Dude, you know you can talk to us. It isn't healthy for you to –"

"Seriously, I'm fine. Drop it." Barney no longer was forcing the fake smile and based on the looks on Ted and Marshall's faces, they could tell he was about ready to snap.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?" asked Ted uncertainly.

"Ted, if I wanted to talk I would have grown a vagina years ago."

"To be honest Barney, I'm not sure that's entirely –"

"Goodnight Ted and Marshall," said Barney impatiently, standing up and walking to the door. He opened it and waited. "You can report back to your lovely wives – who under separate circumstances I would've tapped that – that I am perfectly fine."

"Are you going to pretend that he didn't just say that?" asked Marshall.

"Dude, I've been blocking out ninety percent of what he says about my significant others for the past two decades."

"Yes, yes, Barney's a pig. Nighty night." He slammed the door behind them and with a slight spin, collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep.

_BRINGGG_!

Rubbing his heavy eyes, Barney woke up and looked at the clock. Eleven on a Sunday morning. He hadn't slept this long since… ever.

_BRINGGG_!

"I'm coming, I'm coming. You'll wake the baby," Barney muttered, running a hand through his already messy hair. Without thinking to look who it was, he opened the door only to come face-to-face with none other than Robin, herself.

Momentarily stunned, neither one of them said a thing as they took the other in. The last time Robin had come to his apartment, they had still been married. Given the current circumstances, Barney wondered if he still had not woken up.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked, looking away from his bare chest uncomfortably. He cleared his throat unnecessarily.

"It's fine," he said not confirming or denying her question. "Uh, do you want to come in?"

"If you want me to…"

"Scherbatsky, I'm pretty sure that no guy in history has told you what he wants you to do and has kept his balls intact. You obviously came here for a reason so just come in or feel free to loiter on my threshold."

Surprised by his sudden outburst, she walked around him and wandered aimlessly towards the kitchen. She looked down at the floor.

"Wild night?"

"Oh, yeah. I've swapped out girls who vomit after consuming too much booze for a girl who can't handle her formula." He thought that he noticed Robin's upper lip twitch slightly but couldn't be certain if it was just the lighting.

"Just surprised, is all," Robin replied, somewhat bitterly. "I'm used to seeing bimbos shuffled out of here at this point and given your behavior at Marshall and Lily's moving out Halloween party –"

"Is _that_ why you came here?" said Barney incredulously. "To try and make me feel guilty for that night? I'm sorry Scherbatsky, should I have shown you more tact?"

"Who tries to pick up easy women in front of their ex-wife?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask Ted? After all, he's your go-to guy, right?"

There was dead silence in the apartment. Finally, the bitter words that they hadn't confronted each other about were starting to spill out.

"So that's it, is it?" Robin said, blinking. "That's always been it. After all that time, you still think I love Ted."

"Don't you?"

"That's inconsequential Barney! I married you! I broke all my rules and married you because I loved you and was ready to devote the rest of my life to you!"

Because I _loved_ you.

"And now?"

"And now?" she sighed. "Now, I'm trying to pick up the pieces and figure out where I belong in the mess that I made of my life when I left. And I suppose, in some ways, that starts here, in this apartment."

"The mess you made of your life," said Barney flatly. He picked up his shirt, jacket, and tie from the floor and threw it down the chute. He didn't need it and had no desire to attempt to salvage it. "Yeah, I suppose that does come back to me seeing as I'm the common denominator in your messes."

Robin didn't say anything but sat down and ran her hands through her hair.

"I regret a lot of things Barney," she said, vulnerably. "A lot of things I wish I could change. Marrying you isn't one of them."

He had to admit that he was surprised to hear her say that. He didn't know of a single person who he had been with who did not ultimately regret their decision to be with him.

"Same here," he said, solemnly. He sat down next to her.

"The main reason I came here today though Barney was because… I'm fairly certain I'm here to stay this time. I'm not looking to uproot my life anymore. Like Lily said, it's not fair. Especially not to you."

"To me? Why me in particular?" he asked, getting up and walking to the kitchen. He couldn't be next to Robin too long without feeling out of place. The realization of that alone hurt him, especially when he remembered that there was a time that being away from her hurt him.

"Don't make this difficult Barney."

Wrong thing to say.

"Don't make this… _difficult_ for _you_?" Barney gaped at her. Breathing deeply, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay Robin," he said, throwing her by using her first name. "I'll try and make this easy and concise by filling you in on all that you've missed."

"Since you appeared out of the blue at MacLaren's on Ted and Tracy's wedding night, a hell of a lot has changed. But I'm sure they told you that last night when you gatecrashed. What I didn't give Marshall a chance to tell you though is how _my_ life has changed."

"Scherbatsky, my life has been a wild tail-spin since our divorce. Do you think I wanted to throw myself back out there at meaningless sluts and bimbos when I knew what I wanted but couldn't have?"

"I thought you said –"

"_Stop it_," Barney hissed, finally having enough. "Just. Once. Scherbatsky. Just once, I'm going to dare enough and put my balls on the line to tell you to shut the hell up and let me talk." She fell silent.

"I'm _sorry_ if my attempt at picking up other women _offended_ you that night but that was the only thing I could do. It's the only thing I knew how to do other than love you and since I couldn't do that anymore, I didn't really see many other options."

"So I picked up where I left off. And remarkably, somewhere along the way I ended up having a perfect month. Until that perfect month ended with what I thought would be the least perfect news of my life."

"Number thirty one was pregnant. Pregnant. With _my_ child. And in front of that very long line of people who thought I couldn't handle being a father was yours truly. So I kept doing my thing, expecting that if I picked up enough girls, in nine months nothing would change."

"But it did. That night. Oh, man that night when I went into the emergency room and that nurse came out, I was ready to bolt and had it not been for Ted, Marshall, and Lily, I probably would have. But then I met her and held her for the first time."

"'_You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours, forever_.' Words I never thought I would say to anyone. But to her… to Ellie it was the most natural promise in the world. It was the second promise I made that I knew I could keep, but more on that later."

"I got sole custody of her. That's where I came from with her yesterday. The judge, believe it or not, ruled in my favor. I guess when he took one look at her mother's job and the company she kept, it wasn't too hard of a decision."

"I didn't want any of this for her, Scherbatsky, and I would certainly be lying to you if I said that I had wanted any of this for myself. But I promised you… when I told you the truth about the necklace that I would always be honest by you. And I kept my word. I was honest with you and I let you go because I knew if I didn't, you'd hate me for it but no more than I would hate myself for breaking my most important vow."

"I didn't want any of this," Barney repeated. "This past year, none of it, let alone this conversation. But believe it or not… I suppose when it really came down to it, all of it, especially Ellie's birth, was what I truly needed."

Robin sat there in stunned silence, staring up at the man who she never thought would become this. Finally, she broke her silence. She took his hand.

"There may have been a line of people, including yourself, telling you that you couldn't be a father, Barney," she said, softly. He stared back at her. "But as far as I'm concerned, there's not a doubt in my mind that you're not only the father Ellie needs but the one that she deserves."

Barney swallowed.

"Thanks Scherbatsky," he said, quietly.

All of a sudden there was a wail from the nursery and he immediately withdrew his hand from hers.

"Hold on." He left the room momentarily and when he came back, he was with a bleary eyed Ellie. Hesitantly, he walked over to Robin.

"I know you're not a fan of –"

"Can I hold her?" Robin asked, nervously. Barney cracked a small smile.

"Of course." He handed the infant over to Robin. "But be warned – when she smiles, she brightens up anyone's day."

As if on cue, the baby gave Robin a toothless grin and Robin beamed back at her.

"Just like her old man."

A/N: I'm actually quite proud of this chapter, especially since I finished it after 2am. Believe it or not, some good things do happen after that time! Please give me some much-appreciated feedback!


	3. The Diaper Debacle

**A/N**: Thanks to ImperiumWife and p.i.a.13091994 for their reviews! Your reviews give me the motivation to continue with the knowledge that someone is reading and enjoying the story!

**How My Daughter Changed Me**

By ConsultingTimeLordIn221B

Chapter 3 – The Diaper Debacle

"Ellie, for Heaven's sake. _Would. You. Stop. Squirming_?"

The sound of wailing filled the nursery and surely the entire apartment as Barney and his daughter dueled to try and get her out of her onesie so that he could change her soiled diaper.

"This is ridiculous." He wiped his brow and glared at the one-year-old in agitation. "I'm supposed to have another year before you get aggravating."

Ellie continued to scream, her voice becoming more and more shrill with each passing moment until finally, Barney couldn't take it anymore.

"That's it. Enough is enough." He pulled out his cell phone and hit speed dial.

"Hello?" said the voice on the other end.

"I need reinforcement. My apartment. _Now_."

He hung up the phone without waiting for a response and stared at Ellie. He tried reaching out for another attempt but she only squirmed harder.

"Fine. If you don't want to change then you can sit in it until help gets here."

_BRINGGG_!

"_Finally_," said Barney, getting up from the rocker in the nursery. He went to the door and opened it. "I thought you'd never get here."

"You do realize I live in the suburbs now, right?" said Lily exasperatedly. "_And_ that I have children of my own?" By her side were nine-year-old Marvin and seven-year-old Daisy.

"Hi kids!"

"Hi uncle Barney!" they both said, excitedly. "Can we watch cartoons on your big screen TV?"

"Yeah, sure. Knock yourselves out. But don't touch the Stormtrooper!"

"And don't fight!" added Lily after her two children. She turned back to Barney. "What is it exactly that you need?"

"A tranquilizer. Come with me."

Leaving the two kids in the living area, Barney and Lily made their way back to the nursery. Barney opened the door and suddenly the wailing grew tenfold. Lily gagged.

"Lord almighty, it _stinks_ in here!" she exclaimed. "What are you feeding the poor thing?"

"Forget about that. She won't stay still long enough for me to get the damn onesie and diaper off!"

Lily sighed, rolling her eyes and taking off her coat. She rubbed her hands together.

"Watch and learn Barndaddy. It's time you learn from the master."

Lily cleared her throat.

"_Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight _

_With lilies o'er spread is baby's wee bed _

_Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed_

_Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed_."

By the time Lily reached the end of the lullaby, Ellie was silent with a content half smile on her face. Lily kept repeating herself until finally, the new diaper was on and Ellie was as good as new. Barney stared at her in disbelief.

"_Singing_?" he said. "In order for her to stay still I have to _sing_ to her?"

"It worked on Marvin like a charm," said Lily cheerfully.

"Hm. Duly noted. Okay, well thanks for the –"

"Not so fast. I heard you had a certain visitor the other day…"

"Meaning your husband and Ted? You and Tracy _sent_ them. Remarkably, they seemed pretty eager for me to take my clothes off…"

"No, not Marshall and Ted," said Lily, rolling her eyes. "You know I was referring to Robin."

"Oh." Picking up his daughter, he left the room to put her in her play pin near Marvin and Daisy. Lily followed behind him.

"Don't 'oh' me. What'd you talk about?"

After putting Ellie down to play with her toys, Barney turned around to face Lily.

"What'd she tell you?"

"Who says it was her who told me anything?"

"Of course it was Scherbatsky. I didn't tell anyone else so she's the only person who _could've_ told you." Lily frowned.

"She didn't elaborate a great deal," she admitted. "Why are you shutting us out, Barney?"

"Who's shutting anyone out? I'm not shutting you guys out!"

"We hardly see you anymore."

"I'm up to my ears in baby –"

"It's not just that," said Lily. "Tracy noticed too, you're not looking healthy. You've lost a lot of weight this past year and we're worried about you."

"Well _don't be_," said Barney. "I haven't been drinking much Lily, that's probably the reason behind the loss of weight and my mood change."

"But there's more to it, isn't there?" she persisted. "More to your meeting with Robin. Hell, she hasn't been here since…" she faded off.

"Since we were married?" Barney finished for her. "You don't have to dance around it like an inexperienced stripper. I realized the same thing. It's fine, it's just weird is all."

"Where's the poop, Barney?" said Lily evenly. Barney groaned, running a hand over his face.

"Look Lily, I don't know what exactly it is that you want me to 'confide' in you. If you want me to tell you that old feelings came back when Robin visited, I can't. Sure, there are still moments when the memories hurt like hell but there's nothing I can do about it. In the end, I ended up spilling the goings-on of this past year to her."

"You did?" Barney nodded. "And did it help?"

"Yeah, I suppose it did."

Lily looked at him for a moment to gauge if he was telling her the truth and eventually she seemed to realize that he was.

"I think she's missed you the most," said Lily quietly. "When the two of us talked you kept coming up in random conversations like a bad case of chlamydia."

"Do me a favor Lily? Don't tell me stuff like that. If Scherbatsky's back for good, so be it but I don't need to hear that stuff when nothing will come of it."

Lily nodded understandingly.

"I should get going. I left Marshall alone with the little one and he's probably going out of his mind." Lily pulled out her phone to check it. "Two missed voicemails."

"Psh, it's like he's never raised a kid before." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Come on Marvin, Daisy."

"Do we _have_ to go mom?" they whined. "We like it at uncle Barney's."

"Uncle Barney has enough grief from his own daughter, he doesn't need two more cramping his style," Lily said with a laugh.

"Too right you are," agreed Barney, but then he turned to Marvin and Daisy. "But how about next weekend you come back and you can watch some more cartoons with Ellie?"

"Can we mom? Can we?" begged the two children eagerly. Lily smiled.

"I don't see why not." 'Thank you' she mouthed to Barney. He just smiled.

"Bye uncle Barney!"

"Bye uncle Barney!" Both children hugged him.

"Thanks for the help Lily," said Barney, his hand on the door as he watched them leave.

"Not a problem Barney. Remember, you're a good father."

"So I've been told."

Lily smiled and disappeared down the hallway with her children, leaving Barney and Ellie on their own once more.

**A/N**: Shorter chapter this time but I thought it was a good ending point. Please review and share your feedback!


	4. One for the Road

**A/N**: Sorry for the delay. This chapter's a short one but is based off of something my parents did with me when I was little. Please leave a review!

**How My Daughter Changed Me**

By ConsultingTimeLordIn221B

Chapter 4 – One for the Road

"Barney, are you almost ready?" called Lily. "Ted and Tracy are expecting us in less than an hour."

"Nearly. Hey Marshall, check this out," replied Barney from the other room.

"What is it dude? Ted promised that there'd be a six-pack and a cheese platter. You _know_ how I feel about cheese."

"Forget about your cheese," said Barney rolling his eyes. "This is more important."

"Dude," said Marshall seriously, "nothing is more important than cheese." He cracked a smile. "Seriously though, what is it?"

"Check out this sweet trick Ellie and I have been working on." Marshall looked at him expectantly. "Okay, so you know how she's always letting loose whenever we're out and it's always during inopportune car rides?"

"Yeah…"

"_Voila_! No more worrying about smelly diapers because… she can poop on demand!"

Marshall just stared at him. At that moment Lily walked into the room.

"What the hell is taking so long?"

"Barney has this trick that he supposedly does with Ellie that makes her poop on demand," answered Marshall, still staring at Barney incredulously.

Lily arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Let's see it then."

Barney cleared his throat and looked down at his daughter in excitement. She was squirming on the changing table.

"Ellie," he said, grabbing her attention. "Do ba-ba."

A few seconds passed and Barney smirked. He then turned to Lily and Marshall.

"See for yourselves."

Lily and Marshall ventured over hesitantly and leaned down. They immediately retreated in disgust.

"How the –?"

"_Magic_," said Barney dramatically. "She'll be clean for the entire ride to Ted's."

"Incredible," said Marshall astounded. "Man, Lily, do you know how many diapers we would've saved if we had tried this years ago?"

Lily smiled. "So many, Big Fudge. Come on Barney, change Ellie and let's get going." She and Marshall left the room, leaving Barney and Ellie alone.

Barney turned back to his daughter and raised his hand.

"Baby five!"


	5. Baby-be-gone

**A/N**: Thanks to .d12, SnowboundMermaid, ImperiumWife, nannygirl, adelaidebch, BeneathTheUmbrella, and anyone else I may have forgotten for reviewing the past several chapters! You guys are the ones motivating me to continue writing! So without further ado, here's chapter five!

How My Daughter Changed Me

By ConsultingTimeLordIn221B

Chapter 5 – Baby-be-gone

"Alright squirt, go ahead," said Barney, putting Ellie down on the floor.

The toddler waddled off cheerfully. With a sigh, Barney collapsed onto his sofa and turned the blinding television on. Despite lowering the volume so that he could still hear Ellie in the other room, he must have drifted off at some point because when he awoke, it was dark out and he was extremely disoriented.

"Ellie?" he said, sharply. He sat up quickly. Looking around, he didn't see the toddler anywhere. "Ellie, where are you?"

All of a sudden there was a wail, followed by a whoosh. Barney froze.

"Son of a bitch. ELLIE!"

He ran into his bedroom and halted, nearly falling down in shock. A pristinely covered new bed now replaced where his bed had been in slight disarray this morning. His eyes widened in horror.

"ELLIE!" he screamed.

"Barney, what are you –?" began Marshall but Barney stormed past him. He went straight over to where Lily and Robin were sitting.

"Why the _hell_ have you not answered your phone?" he snapped at Robin.

"It died…" Robin began but he cut her off.

"When I used the Ho-be-gone System on you, how did you get out?"

"What…?"

"_How did you get out_?"

"It was on a circuit that ended up putting me in the apartment next door. I had to explain to the Johnsons that –" She froze. "Oh, Barney. You didn't."

He had already passed Marshall and was out the door though.

"Ranjit! To my apartment!"

"To your apartment!" Ranjit repeated.

"Don't _ever_ scare me like that again," Barney scolded Ellie as he brought her back into the apartment a little later that evening. "It's a good thing that the Johnson's were out and I had a spare key or we both would have had some explaining to do."

Ellie just smiled blankly up at him. He shook his head amused.

"I'll get it disabled first thing in the morning. The last thing we need is for a repeat of tonight. Come on, let's get you ready for bed."

He then got her ready for bed and when he finally lay down on his bed, he was about to fall asleep when suddenly he felt his bed moving.

His eyes sprang open and he stared at his daughter in shock. Then his face broke into a smile when he saw her giggling.

"I've taught you well," he said, his voice fading as he was drawn backwards and into the wall.

**A/N**: Not one of my better chapters but I thought it'd be a fun idea and I always wondered how Robin got out of there. Please review!


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